The Nutty Crack!
by Eternal.Angel
Summary: Seigaku has to take up the time to parody yet another ballet for us POT fans. And this time, it's 'The Nutcracker! CRACK & RyomaCentric
1. Prologue

Eternal.Angel  
December 16, 2007 to December 16, 2007

**Disclaimers:** I do not own any part whatsoever of Prince of Tennis.  
**Summary: **A parody of _The Nutcracker_ by Tchaikovsky with the Prince of Tennis cast, Seigaku! Enjoy! _And don't forget to review please!_

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_Prologue_  
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"Inui-senpai, how come we are parodying another ballet yet again?" annoyingly asked the cocky freshman of the Seigaku tennis team, Echizen Ryoma. A cold, icy glare bore in his eyes as he stared right through the Data Man's glasses. Inui, however, wrote in his trusty notebook as he answered his underclassman's question. 

"Because…our fans would enjoy it?"

"…" a vein grew through his head as his eyebrow twitched violently. "Inui-senpai…"

Nutty Crack! – Nutty Crack!

"Alright, everyone, gather around!" commanded Tezuka as his loud voice echoed through the empty auditorium of the school. Immediately, all those partaking in the play circled around the captain of the tennis team and paid great attention to him.

"Sensei told the tennis team to do another play since the previous one was excellent and he wants more money to support the school as well as the tennis club. So for December, we are going to parody the ballet _The Nutcracker_ since the time of the season is just right," explained Inui, who now appeared beside Tezuka. "I know all of you are very excited to do this, so we hope you like your roles when we announce it."

Everyone, however, sighed exasperatedly in unison, sweat-dropping slightly.

"This time, though, we'll have only our school doing it instead of having Hyoutei and Rikkai Dai involved in it before as we did with 'Gisyuusuke' when we parodied _Giselle_. So, for our main character, Clara…we shall have Echizen do it."

"What?" he asked bluntly, staring incredulously at his upperclassman.

"Well, first of all," explained Inui, "Your name would become Claryoma, since your first name as an R in it and would fit somewhere in her name. Second of all, you're the shortest one and would be perfect for her size."

"…"

"Anyhow, moving on; since we still have tennis practice to attend to, I'll post the rest of the roles later on our bulletin, and tomorrow after school when we don't have practice, the script writers are to meet in our usual meeting room on the second floor."

"Dismissed to tennis practice," announced Tezuka as he walked away, heading towards the courts. Everyone followed suit as they began chattering amongst themselves.

"Why do we have to be involved in such things?"

"I think Inui-senpai is lying to us."

"Sh! He'll give us some of his weird juice or something…"

Second year Momoshiro Takeshi caught up with Echizen and smiled toothily at him, ruffling his hair. "Have fun being Clara, Echizen!"

"…"

Nutty Crack! – Nutty Crack!

In the morning, Echizen found the tennis club crowded around the tennis bulletin, and he blinked tiredly at the large number of people inching towards the wall, hoping to get a good view of it. As soon as a few of them dispersed, Echizen took the time to squeeze through the large and tall students to see what the midst of everything was.

_Oh…the role sheet…_

"Ochibi! Ochibi!" cried a certain enthusiastic voice, and soon enough, Echizen found himself in a headlock with his upperclassman, third year Kikumaru Eiji.

"Ochibi! I got my part!" shouted Eiji loudly as he smiled, his mouth broadening as his white teeth gleamed in the sunlight of the morning. "I'm the Mouse King!" He beamed at himself as Ryoma stared at him blankly.

Just then, the other regulars came running over to the two, their breaths cut short.

"Eiji-senpai! What role did you get?" excitedly asked Momo as his eyes dazzled with wonder.

"I'm the Mouse King!" beamed Kikumaru as he firmly placed a hand on his chest, his body shining brightly.

"Oh, Eiji-senpai! I'm one of the Mice!"

"Really? Yay!"

"What did you get, Taka-san?" inquired the two hyperactive tennis regulars. Third year Kawamura Takashi nervously scratched the back of his head as his eyes wandered to the ground.

"Well, I'm one of the Snowflakes…" he murmured anxiously, laughing to himself hoarsely.

"Taka-san shouldn't be so down," cheered up the tensai, Fuji Syuusuke as he handed his best friend a yellow racket, which immediately boosted his ego.

"HELL YEA, I'M A SNOWFLAKE!"

Taking away the racket from his hand, Fuji smiled and introduced his own role, "Well, it would have been exciting to be those things, but I guess I'm Herr Drosselmeier who gives Clara her special doll." He looked sadistically at Ryoma, who felt shivers running down his spine as he shuddered greatly.

"Fshh…" hissed a certain Kaidoh Kaoru as he slipped into the conversation.

"Ah, Mamushi! I saw your role…" said Momo, and immediately he burst into a fit of laughter. "I can't believe that you're actually going to be Fritz!"

"Fritz? Who's Fritz?"

"That is Clara's younger brother," explained Inui as he furiously wrote into his notebook, his glasses gleaming in the bright rays of the sun. "But I guess it would look awkward with a tall younger brother, don't you think?"

"…" both Ryoma and Kaidoh were silent as a heavy atmosphere ensued.

"…anyhow, I'm going to be the Snow King with Oishi, who's going to be the Snow Queen," calmly reported Inui, his pen ready in his hand, awaiting for the others' reactions.

"Eh?!"

"Oishi being the Snow Queen? NYA! OISHI!"

"That's…just wrong…"

"Hn…"

"Fshhh…"

"Ah, well, at least I won't be the only Snow-related thing, neh?"

"Congratulations to him then, and you as well, Inui."

"Why thank you, Fuji. Oh, and did I mention that Tezuka is the Nutcracker?"

Dead silence.

"And did I mention we're actually going to be dancing at the same time that we are talking?"

Even more silence, with tumbleweeds flying by in the background.

"And did I mention we're wearing pointe shoes?"

"INUI!"

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_Owari_  
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**A/N:** I'm the weirdest person on Earth, writing such weird stuff. And yet I have no idea what's going to happen with it, so we'll see…but I'm pretty sure it'll be Ryoma-centric most of the time and pure Crack, so beware! XD Please review and give me any feedback! I am very happy to be criticized because there is always room for improvement. Arigatou! 

Ja ne, and I do not own any part of Prince of Tennis!

_Eternal.Angel_


	2. Act One, Scene One: THE PARTY SCENE

Eternal.Angel  
December 16, 2007 to December 26, 2007

**Disclaimers:** I do not own any part whatsoever of Prince of Tennis.  
**Summary:** A parody of _The Nutcracker_ by Tchaikovsky with the Prince of Tennis cast, Seigaku! Enjoy! _And don't forget to review please!_

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_Act One, Scene One: THE PARTY SCENE_  
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It was a snowy day in the Germanic town, but nothing stopped from the children and their parents to tread through the light storm of the evening, the snow falling gently upon the ground. One girl, however, wandered off onto the path herself and looked up to the dark sky to see white things falling down from the sky. Scared and afraid, she ran and dragged her brother to witness the falling of precipitation himself. 

"Gebr **(1)** Johorio! Someone didn't wash their hair at all, and it's snowing dandruff!" she cried in a shrilly voice, stomping her foot angrily on the ground.

The brother, however, only sighed in exasperation as he tried his best to explain it to his younger sister.

"Um, Emily, that's not dandruff. It's snow."

"It's dandruff, I tell you! That's why Frau **(2)** Holle always tells us to wash our hair, but this person didn't! And they sure have a pretty big head in order to lose so much dandruff, sheesh! Now my curls will be ruined!" She fake-sobbed, and ran back to her mother in protest as the father tried to calm their female child down. The brother named Johorio, however, sighed and just looked up at the sky.

"I wonder if Claryoma will be there…" he wondered aloud, a faint tint of blush appearing on his cheeks as he breathed out a cloud of fog (which was really a breath mint, thank you very much).

"Trying to catch Claryoma's attention at the party, huh, Johorio?" questioned a male voice, a smirk on his face.

"Gabriel!" cried Johorio as he brought a hand to his heart, huffing and puffing. "You got me back there!"

"Claryoma will never fall for you, you know that Johorio," declared Gabriel with confidence.

"And how would you know that, Gabriel?" asked Johorio with a raised brow, a doubtful look on his face. "I mean, with my two-years-of-knowing-Claryoma-experience, I ensure you that–"

"Because you have a pimple on your nose."

"…"

"Got you there, neh?"

"…shut up."

"Gabriel! Johorio!" cried two women who were beside one another with heavy make-up on their faces, and their curls bobbling up and down as they spoke, "Come here!" Immediately, the two boys walked over to their mothers obediently and stared at them with huge eyes. "Yes, Frau Holle, Frau Gomolka?"

"Have some chestnuts that we got from this very nice man," offered the two females as they held out a handful of nuts wrapped with a white handkerchief. Greedily the two accepted and ate like pigs, stuffing the chestnuts one by one into their mouths until their caverns were full, their cheeks puffing up like squirrels stuffing acorns into its mouth.

"We want more, Frau Holle, Frau Gomolka!" cried the two as they began to wail.

"…" both mothers grew veins and murmured under their breaths, "I knew that I shouldn't have bought them any…"

"Let us hurry to the party quickly before a snowstorm hits!" declared Herr **(3)** Holle, pointing a finger towards the sky. Just then, a whole pile of white paper confetti fell from above and sabotaged the two couples and their children.

"…let's just go."

"Sure."

Nutty Crack! – Nutty Crack!

"Ah, Herr Holle, Herr Gomolka, Frau Holle, and Frau Gomolka! We Silberhauses are very glad that you made it through the snowstorm! How was it out there?" welcomed and asked the mistress of the Silberhauses, Frau Silberhaus. The two couples entered as they ushered in their children, patting and brushing off the snow that clung to their cloaks, coats, and hats.

"Terrible, just terrible!" muttered aloud Herr Gomolka irritably as he hung his jacket onto one of the hooks on the wall. "I'm rather glad that it's warm in your place, Frau Silberhaus!"

"Well, do come on in then!" she said in a high pitched voice, nearly destroying the audience's eardrums. The four adults and the four children made their way through the hallway and into the main room of the household. There, stood a great Christmas tree finely decorated with many ornaments, and many nicely wrapped presents under the tree. Many candlelit lights were perched on the branches, and silver tinsel was hanging onto the tree.

"Wow, so pretty!" exclaimed Emily excitedly as she bourréed **(4)** across the stage, turning from time to time. Unfortunately, the ribbons of one of her pointe shoes came loose, and quickly she tangled into them and tripped, falling and crashing down onto the stage. The audience squeezed their eyes shut until the scene was over, then opened their eyes again to continue watching the oh, ever so great ballet parody done by tennis freaks.

"That's got to hurt," said one of the audience members as they shook their heads sadly.

"Idiot freshman," muttered Johorio under his breath before catching the sight of Claryoma entering the stage ever so beautifully – that is, with a grumpy look on his face. He glided to her with his black flat ballet shoes and greeted her, bowing. "Claryoma, how wonderful it is to see you tonight."

Claryoma Silberhaus, however, was dead bored and shook him off. "Yea, whatever. Mada mada dane. Get out of my sight, or get me a Ponta."

Johorio sweat-dropped before walking towards her and whispering in her ear, "Echizen, follow the script, or else you'll ruin my two-days-of-acting-experience."

"…like I care."

Then the father of Claryoma walked up to his daughter and placed a hand on her shoulder, catching everyone's attention with his loud voice. "Everyone, I invite all of you to dance now!" The guests clapped merrily and prepared themselves to dance when suddenly…

BAM!

The door slammed open on the right side of the stage, resulting in the play wall collapsing onto the stage and squishing a third of the guests flat into pancakes. A long silence ensued and continued on as the newly arrived and late guest entered the stage, his blue, shiny cloak flowing gracefully behind him.

"Sorry I am late, Herr Silberhaus, Frau Silberhaus," apologized the man with a smile on his face, "But I was making the last bit and perfecting my gift for dear Claryoma."

Everyone but Claryoma gasped excitedly as they wondered about that last minute gift in which Herr Drosyuusuke had prepared for the main attraction of the party. However, the girl only stood as still as a stone rock, her arms folded as she tapped her foot impatiently.

"Oi, Drosyuusuke, is that a large can of Ponta you have, because I want some right now," arrogantly asked the female, her eyes narrowing. Everyone simply sweat-dropped in unison before sighing, shaking their heads hopelessly.

"Saa, I wonder about that, _Claryoma_," replied the adult, his smile broadening as a large vein grew through Claryoma's head when she heard the emphasis on her name. Irritably, she stomped over to him as her pink pointe **(5)** shoes clanked and clunked at each step she took, resounding and vibrating after a few seconds loudly each and every time. She faced her uncle and placed her hands on her hips, eying him angrily.

"So, what do I get, Drosyuusuke? I want my Ponta now."

Drosyuusuke, however, only continued to smile as his face neared the young girl's, and he lightly tapped the tip of her nose. "Well, Claryoma, why don't you show your uncle some manners first before I give you what you want?"

Claryoma rolled her eyes in defeat and sighed exasperatedly, "Fine. _Herr_ Drosyuusuke, I want my present now."

"And a kiss on the cheek."

"No."

"Or _Herr_ Drosyuusuke won't give you your present, Claryoma."

"No." She remained firm, despite the fact that she wanted Ponta very badly, or else she would have a bladder accident before drinking any liquid in the first place. The audience continuously sweat-dropped and sighed, impatient for them to move on. Finally, one of the members blew up and cried annoyingly, "GET ON WITH THE SHOW, DAMMIT!"

"Well, m'dear? What shall it be?" requested of the uncle as he tapped his foot on the stage ground lightly.

"Fine," muttered Claryoma under her breath, and she stood on the box of the pointe shoe so that her height would be compatible with his. Giving a quick peck on the cheek, her balance finally gave way, and she tumbled to the ground ungracefully, earning some disgusted and anxious looks from many – and sighs as well.

"Mada mada dane, pointe shoes," growled Claryoma to herself before standing up, brushing the dust off her dress.

"Anyhow, let us move on to some tricks, shall we?" inquired Herr Drosyuusuke as he proceeded to the table with a white cloth on it, and with many fine objects on top. His hands clutched onto the edge of it, and swiftly he pulled it off as the audience and two-thirds left of the guests gasped in shock, only to find the expensive belongings still perched on the table as if the tablecloth hadn't been there at all. Some of the audience members clapped wildly as he bowed briefly before returning to the parody play, while his underclassmen, who were acting as the adults, sweat-dropped and whispered to one another in low voices, "Fuji-senpai already showed that trick like…a gazillion times."

"Did you say something, Herr Demmler?"

"Oh nothing, Herr Drosyuusuke!" frantically answered the man as he waved his hands in front of his body, only to receive a sadistic yet mysterious smile.

"Anyhow…I would like to present my gifts to all," said Drosyuusuke bluntly with a cheerful tone, and all the children squealed and began to chatter amongst their kind, excited to know what was in store for them. Whipping out many boxes from under his cape, he placed them under the Christmas tree using his "magic" before returning to busy the children in the meantime.

"Unfortunately, you will have to wait a slight bit, because I brought a few more things."

All the children gasped even more, and they continued to talk and whisper to one another, impatient to know what was to happen next.

"First I present you…the Columbine!"

The first wind-up toy, the size of the human, wore a patterned tutu and its makeup was of a clown's. It gracefully bourréed on its pointe shoes to the children and robotically bowed to them before performing flexible and awesome moves with its legs. Unfortunately, its tights had ripped in the middle, showing a…well, er, sudden bulge. All of the children widened their eyes in surprise and shock before running away from the life-size doll, crying and wailing to their parents.

"Frau! Herr! That doll is scary!"

The Columbine then tipped over as it stumbled when throwing its leg into the air again, resulting in a somersault to be done in the air before crashing down to the ground in a perfect split.

"OMFG! MY LEGS HURT SO MUCH, CRAP!"

"…"

However, Herr Drosyuusuke wasn't affected by this at all (for he was still smiling), and decided to proceed with his doings. "Next, the Bear!"

Just then, a life-size bear standing on its two hind legs zoomed over to the whining children, and immediately all of them stopped crying. They gathered around the friendly animal and petted him affectionately, gaining some friendly purrs from the bear.

Wait…since when did bears purr?

"That's an awkward bear…"

"I never knew bears purred!"

"Wow, they must have a really bad actor in there…"

Arai, the one inside the heavy and sweaty bear costume, was ready to blow up thanks to all the comments he was receiving and hearing from the audience. He twitched violently, but breathed steadily, keeping his temper. He took a deep breath, ready to do the next part of his role.

"RAWR!" it yelled ferociously, jumping onto its two hind legs again with its two other arms posing out into the air. The audience, however, only blinked as the children scrammed, running away from the bear.

"What'd I do wrong now?" muttered Arai under his breath, ready to explode now.

"You did the wrong thing at the wrong time, dude…" whispered his friend who was acting as one of the adults, shaking his head. "Wrong step."

"Oh."

"…"

"THE BEAR IS SCARY, FRAU AND HERR!"

"…why is everyone so weird…" murmured Claryoma under her breath, sighing.

"I demand you banish this, this Bear and Columbine, Herr Drosyuusuke!" ordered Herr Silberhaus as he placed a hand on Claryoma's shoulder, who fended it away right after that. "You are going to scare away even more of our guests, when we already have one third of them destroyed by your sudden arrival!"

Drosyuusuke had a sad look on his face as he pouted like a child, "But Herr Silberhaus, I love the dolls that I created. And all the guests can go to hell if I want them to, since I am the one of the main characters and not you, Herr."

"…just because you're my senpai doesn't mean you can order me around…"

"What was that, Herr Silberhaus?"

"…nothing."

"I want my Ponta now," gruffly said Claryoma, folding her arms crossly.

"Well, all of the children are going to get their presents now, Claryoma," said Drosyuusuke right after his complaint. "So children, gather around."

Quickly all the young ones crowded around the main attraction as he bent over to pick up the presents that he had left under the Christmas tree. One by one, he handed each and every child, both male and female, a box of the same color, size, shape, bow, and tag. One couldn't even tell which box belonged to whom at all.

"Boo…Herr Drosyuusuke, how come all the gifts look the same? How can you tell what gift to give us?"

"It's because I give it to you randomly."

"Boo…so how will you know to give Claryoma the 'special' gift?"

"I don't at all, Sophie."

"Boo…oh, I see."

"And may I ask why you keep saying 'boo'?" Drosyuusuke asked as he picked out a random box and handed it to her.

"Boo…I don't know."

"…oh, I see."

"Boo…"

"…"

"OMG! I GOT A…tennis skirt."

"FRAU! HERR! SEE HERE! MY GIFT BOX HAS A…tennis skirt…"

"YAY! I GOT A…tennis…skirt…"

"Oh, whoopee, I…got…a…tennis…skirt…like…everyone…else…"

The last female of the five 'minor' ones sighed and shook her head. _It'd be better if I didn't open it at all_, she told herself before placing the box under her, and sitting on it glumly.

The boys, however, were very happy with the presents they received.

"OMG! LOOK, I GOT A TENNIS BALL!"

"OH, SAME HERE!"

"WITH SO MANY TENNIS BALLS, WE CAN PLAY 'STING' ALL DAY!"

"You guys…are weird…" interjected Emily as she stuck her nose at the boys. "And what the hell is 'Sting'?"

"It's when you sting the most annoying and ugly girls on Earth, especially those who have a pig nose," explained a boy as he held the prized tennis ball into the air with his left hand, treasuring it greatly and beaming at it.

"Oh…HEY!" she said angrily, stomping her pointe shoe **(6)** on the stage before tramping over to the boys, ready to do a grand battement **(7)** at them. However, she swung her leg a little too high and did instead a somersault, landing on her head as her white panty was facing the audience. The male population of the group broke into nosebleeds as the women and ladies covered their faces in shame, shaking their heads sadly.

Claryoma, still as grumpy as ever, reluctantly took the present from Herr Drosyuusuke and tore the cover open, to reveal…a TennisCracker – a doll that was holding a tennis racket.

"Oh…omg…it's a TennisCracker…" she said, and holding it loosely by its hand with her right arm. She began dancing around on his pointe shoes, with at times having her fall onto the ground before coming right back up and performing weird movements yet again. Surprisingly, she was able to do a double pirouette **(8)** perfectly on her pointe shoe, and everyone backstage and onstage gasped (the audience was greatly confused though).

Just then, out of nowhere, Claryoma's younger brother, Fraoru, came angrily stomping in. He was supposed to have come earlier on stage, but it seems as if he had forgotten.

Well, didn't make such a difference anyways.

"Fsshhh…give me the TennisCracker, Claryoma…fsshh…" He jumped at her and grabbed the toy by the head, pulling it with all his strength.

"No, I want the…whatever you call this thing now…" said Claryoma with a bored tone, and she took the doll by its legs and pulled as well. Soon, there was a great tug-of-war between the two.

"Not fair…Fraoru – you're bigger and older than me…"

"…fsshh…I'm supposed to be younger than you, Claryoma?"

"…right…"

The other children, who had nothing better to do, shrugged their shoulders and decided to help out Claryoma and Fraoru. The tug-of-war thing went on for many minutes…and it seemed as if there was no end to it at all…

Yawn.

Nutty Crack! – Nutty Crack!

It was a good thing that Herr Silberhaus took action into separating the children – it was greatly tiring the audience after all, and an hour had gone by, which was a little too long than planned. So now, it was nighttime, and Claryoma fell asleep under the Christmas tree with her beloved TennisCracker and aching feet inside the pointe shoes.

Only to find…

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_Owari_  
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**A/N:** Merry belated Christmas to all, and an early Happy New Year! XD I didn't like this chapter, so I'm ending it with the Snow Scene. Besides, I have to get some things out of the way… XD 

**(1) **– German for 'brother'**  
(2) **– German for 'mother'  
**(3) **– German for 'father'  
**(4) **– The step of moving on your feet quickly; usually done en pointe  
**(5) **– The raising of the body on the tips of the toes  
**(6) **– Satin ballet shoes used by dancers when dancing en pointe  
**(7) **– Literally, 'big beat'; in which the working leg is raised from the hip into the air and brought down again

Please review and give me any feedback! I am very happy to be criticized because there is always room for improvement. Arigatou!

Ja ne, and I do not own any part of Prince of Tennis!

_Eternal.Angel_


	3. Act One, Scene Two: THE BATTLE SCENE

Eternal.Angel  
December 26, 2007 to December 27, 2007

**Disclaimers:** I do not own any part whatsoever of Prince of Tennis.  
**Summary:** A parody of _The Nutcracker_ by Tchaikovsky with the Prince of Tennis cast, Seigaku! Enjoy! _And don't forget to review please!_

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_Act One, Scene Two: THE BATTLE SCENE_  
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…mice! 

"Oh my gosh, it's…big, fat, hairy mice…" said aloud Claryoma as she sighed, then grabbed the TennisCracker by its arm and trudged over to the mice, who soon circled around her.

"Ahh…help me, they're so freaking scary…"

"Ryoma, exaggerate!" one of the crew members whispered angrily. He only rolled his eyes and sighed, but followed his upperclassman's orders anyways.

"AHH! HELP ME, THEY'RE SO FREAKING SCARY!!!"

"…"

"Happy now?"

"…dude, you were totally…OOC…"

"Shut up."

Just then, Herr Drosyuusuke appeared out of nowhere and swooped to pick up dear Claryoma, who was ready to have a seizure thanks to all those annoying orders she was receiving from unknown people backstage.

"Are you alright, Claryoma?" he asked as he placed her back on the ground.

"…yea."

"I see…then let me show you something wondrous, shall I?" Immediately, Herr Drosyuusuke whipped his cape to the side and then, the Christmas tree began to grow as more mice suddenly came scampering into the room, greatly frightening Claryoma.

Or supposedly, anyways.

"Oh…I'm scared of the mice, Herr Drosyuusuke," said Claryoma as she walked over to one of the mice and kicked them hard in the stomach with her pointe shoe, then walked away as the victimized mouse wailed and whined in agony and pain, clutching its stomach.

_Damn you, Echizen…I'll get you, just watch!_

"Now, I will show you…even more magic, Claryoma!" dramatically said the magician as he used his hands to do some work wondrous magic.

"Fuji-senpai…you don't have to be so dramatic…"

"I know, Echizen. But I want to be." A smile.

And then, the TennisCracker had come to life!

Gasps and surprised looks were earned from that, as many pair of eyes followed the stoic and robotic human-life-size doll march around with stiff and straight legs. Claryoma was forced over to observe and gasp at the new sight of the doll, which came from the TennisCracker originally. It was dressed in mostly white, with golden buttons fastened and a large, red cylindrical hat perched on the wooden head. He had a tennis racket in his hand, and a few tennis balls as his ammo in his pouch. His aura was so strong that most of the mice scurried to the corner, afraid that if they came to close, they would become electrocuted by the 'TennisCracker Zone'.

"OMG! IT'S THE TENNISCRACKER!" screamed all the mice at the same time, and immediately they scrammed and called upon the gods. "OH, GOD OF MICE, COME AND SAVE US PLEASE!"

Suddenly, from the side of the stage, appeared…the Mouse King!

"I…am…the Mouse King, nya!" cried the leader of the mice as he did some random acrobatics before rolling off onto the center of the stage and landing on two feet perfectly, posing to the audience. The audience members clapped loudly as all the mice cheered in happiness, grateful to see their king come out at last.

"Our Mouse King, we hail to thee!" they shouted and bowed in unison, and the Mouse King beamed to himself.

"Thank you, nya!" said the Mouse King as he did more acrobatics, pleasing the crowd. However, his underclassmen sighed at the same time and shook their heads before whispering aloud, "Kikumaru-senpai, this is a ballet parody, not an acrobatics parody!"

"Nya, but acrobatics_is_ ballet, right?"

"…never mind…"

"Hoi, TennisCracker, I challenge you to a duel!" excitedly said the Mouse King as he whipped out his own tennis racket, and thanks to technology back then, the Mouse King's followers heaved out a handmade tennis court from the wings of the stage and onto the center of the stage. The TennisCracker nodded his head and whipped out his tennis racket and a tennis ball, preparing to serve it as the Mouse King did a few stretches before readying himself to return it.

However, the TennisCracker easily defeated the Mouse King in one move, destroying not only his pride, but his tennis racket, costume, and tennis court as well.

"Nya! My tennis racket!" grieved the Mouse King as he affectionately rubbed it against his cheek, the racket strings scarring his uncovered face from the wretched and broken costume of the Mouse King. Everyone sweat-dropped at this moment, but decided to let it pass. His underclassmen would beat up their senpai later, anyways, for his terrible acting skills.

"Do not let down your guard," warned the TennisCracker as he brought out his final tennis ball and racket before aiming it directly at the Mouse King. However, one of the king's followers jumped out and protected his leader from the attack, and he felt an agonizing pain in his stomach yet again.

"My…stomach…" the mouse said, and he puked inside his costume, then fainting and falling to the ground.

"Momo!"

"Are you alright?"

"Eww…your costume smells like filth, dude!"

"Ughh…"

Sadly, half of the mice alliance had to drag away the sick and weakened mouse backstage to treat him with some cheese pills that would surely cure him!

Suddenly, a random signed with two feet scuttled onto the stage, which read: 'RANDOM COMMERCIAL … CHEESE-FLAVORED PILLS ROCK, AND YOU GUYS SUCK!' Then it walked off the stage, leaving many blank faces from the actors and audience.

The TennisCracker cursed and murmured to himself, "I let down my guard because that was my last tennis ball…if I don't find something else to hit the Mouse King with, then I will have let down my guard…"

Pushed to the TennisCracker, Claryoma had a bored expression on her face as she handed the life-size doll her pointe shoe, and he took it from her hands and served it towards the Mouse King.

"NYA!"

And the Mouse King dropped dead, with many of his followers grieving so much that a flood occurred on the stage, forcing the crew members to draw the curtain and have the audience members usher out of the auditorium to return the following day for the rest of the show.

Oh dear.

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_Owari_  
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**A/N:** I'm getting sick of this… XD I want to update my other stories, but you should blame my ugly brain for that. (sighs) We'll see, we'll see… XD Please review and give me any feedback! I am very happy to be criticized because there is always room for improvement. Arigatou! 

Ja ne, and I do not own any part of Prince of Tennis!

_Eternal.Angel_


	4. Act One, Scene Three: THE SNOW SCENE

Eternal.Angel  
December 27, 2007 to December 28, 2007

**Disclaimers:** I do not own any part whatsoever of Prince of Tennis.  
**Summary:** A parody of _The Nutcracker_ by Tchaikovsky with the Prince of Tennis cast, Seigaku! Enjoy! _And don't forget to review please!_

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_Act One, Scene Three: THE SNOW SCENE_  
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"You know, I don't think this parody ballet is really worth it," brought up a girl who was walking besides her friend. Her companion cocked her head to the side in confusion and asked, "Why do you say that, then?" 

"Well…" she pondered before answering thoughtfully and deeply, "…because we were forced to come back the next day for the second part of the play, we don't get a refund for it, and they really suck."

"You know what, I think you're right," agreed the other, nodding her head, "Even those hot guys from the Dream Lives for _Prince of Tennis_ are like, so much sexier than these duds from the anime and manga for_Prince of Tennis _itself."

"You're like, so right girl. So right."

The Nutty Crack! – The Nutty Crack!

The TennisCracker turned to Claryoma and bowed down low, "Thank you for saving me, Miss Claryoma."

"Why are you thanking me?" she inquired, turning her head away from the TennisCracker, "All I did was give you a pointe shoe that Inui-senpai spent with his allowance when he could have used it for better things than this stupid parody."

Backstage, Inui furiously scribbled in his notebook, ensuring himself that he would have to assign more deadly treatment to Ryoma than usual. He cackled to himself as his pen continued to write and write on the fine paper of his notebook. Someone swore that his glasses had a certain glow and shine to them all of a sudden, but they rubbed their eyes, telling themselves that their senpai wouldn't be crazy or evil enough to be that way…

"Anyhow," gruffly said Claryoma as she brushed her white nightgown, "What's supposed to happen now? And where's Drosyuusuke?"

"…" the TennisCracker, however, remained silent. Nothing seemed to be happening at all…

_Damn Fuji-senpai. He left early on purpose to screw up the script._

"So…TennisCracker…how do you see through that head of yours?"

"…I can't."

"…oh…"

"…"

"You must be really good…right?"

"Hn."

"…mada mada dane."

"That's not the right line to say right now, Miss Claryoma…"

"Whatever…so…how's life?"

"…That isn't the right line to say either, Miss Claryoma…"

"Your life must be boring if you always talk like that, TennisCracker. Seriously."

The Nutty Crack! – The Nutty Crack!

"Dude, do you think he's gone OOC again?" asked one of the crew members as they stared at Echizen incredulously. The other, however, shook his head in disagreement.

"No. It's not that he's OOC – it's just that he's AUish."

"…oh."

The Nutty Crack! – The Nutty Crack!

"…you know, I just want to get out of here, TennisCracker. Get me a Ponta and let's get out of here," demanded Claryoma as her eyes darkened, telling the life-size doll that she's going to have it, no matter what. The TennisCracker sighed to himself and pulled off his head as a part of the requirement in order to meet her demands. The audience and backstage members gasped so loud that they hadn't realized what was_really _going on…

The Nutty Crack! – The Nutty Crack!

"OMG! THE TENNISCRACK JUST PULLED HIS HEAD OFF!"

"HOLY CRAP, HE MUST BE LIKE SOME...DETACHABLE DOLL!"

"Wait, isn't there a human in there?"

"…"

"ZOMG! TEZUKA-SENPAI JUST PULLED OUT HIS HEAD?!"

"HOW'S THAT FREAKING POSSIBLE?"

"OH, THE WORLD HAS COME TO AN END! AN END, I SAY, AN END!"

"…"

"Dude, I think you've become OOC…"

"…well, I think you've become AUish."

"Really? I think that the both of you are officially Gary Stus."

"Shut up. You're a Mary Sue."

"Um…why are we incorporating FanFiction-al terms in this story, anyways?"

"…go to hell, you MaGaRy Stues…"

The Nutty Crack! – The Nutty Crack!

…but in truth, the Cavalier's head was still perched in place, earning relieving sighs from everyone.

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (in a good way).

And a lot of girly shouts, cheers, and shrieks from the female population of both of the crowd and crew members.

"OH MY GOSH! IT'S TEZUKA-SAMA!"

"TEZUKA-SAMA! LOOK THIS WAY!"

"KUNI-CHAN! KUNI-CHAN!"

"HYAAA!"

In truth, Claryoma was really annoyed for three reasons. One: they were holding up the play ever since his buchou pulled off the head piece from his head, revealing himself. Two: they were really loud, noisy, and annoying. Three: they were stealing all the attention of Tezuka-buchou from him. Claryoma cleared her throat many, MANY times before continuing on with the play.

"…your face looks better without that big giant head from before, P-prince…"

"…thank you, I'm…quite flattered."

Suddenly, a bunch of reindeers came onto the stage, exhausted, as they carried behind them a beautiful and magical sleigh with the Snow King and Queen on it!

"Damn it, why are we dragging the sleigh?!" questioned Momo angrily in a low voice. "I was already a Mouse who barfed in their costume, and now Inui-senpai is expecting me to be a Reindeer, when these costumes are like…freaking ugly with blue, sparkly antlers and a tail that just looks so wrong?!"

"…fssshh, stop complaining, baka," hissed Kaidoh, who was dragging the large contraption beside him, "It's already bad enough to be dragging it WITH and NEXT to you, idiot!"

"Now you did it, mamushi!"

"Nya, we have to be quiet because we're Reindeer!" reprimanded Eiji cheerfully, who seemed rather glad to be a Reindeer. "Neh, Fujiko?"

Fuji, standing beside his best friend, nodded his head, "Yes, it's great to be Reindeer too, Momo, Kaidoh. I mean, I'm not even pulling the thing at all, and it's so much fun to see you guys suffer to pull the sled than being a Reindeer, you know?" His smile broadened, and a sadistic aura began to penetrate and flow through their veins, having them shiver greatly.

_Too cruel, too cruel, Fuji-senpai._

"My, my, and who may you two be, entering our world in the Land of Snow?" questioned the Snow Queen named…well, snow-related roles didn't have much of a name in the ballet at that time, so we'll just call the Snow Queen…Oishi Syuichiroh.

"90 percent that they just came from a battle with the Mice, and have suddenly landed in our land for no reason," hypothesized the Snow King, Inui Sadaharu. "We welcome you two to our kingdom." The two royals bowed before them, and the Prince bowed right after, kicking Claryoma in the shin in the process to have her bow to them as well.

"We thank you, Snow Queen and King," thanked the Prince as he bowed yet again, "We appreciate you welcoming us here."

"It is nothing," said the Snow Queen shakily, still upset at the fact that she had to wear a white tutu which showed off her…er, feminism a lot. "Now, please go onto the sled as our dearest Reindeers will show you all over the Land of Snow…"

"As we present the audience a few dances," finished Inui as he shifted the position of his glasses. The couple hustled Claryoma and the Prince onto the sleigh, and the Reindeers reluctantly dragged them off the stage, taking them about ten minutes as the Snow King and Queen did their lovely dance of many simple and complicated steps both en pointe and en relèvé **(1)**.

Just then, the Snowflakes appeared, with Kawamura leading the seven behind him. All of the Snowflakes were dressed in white, flowing dresses, with small crowns pinned to their hair. Yes, they were all dancing painfully in pointe shoes, and they did not to be reminded of that, thank you very much.

"Ow…ow…ow…" all seven second years muttered as they copied the steps in which Taka-san was dancing, for they were stupid and idiots and did not want to be part of the parody ballet at all. Kawamura, however, was really nervous. It was his first time on stage and en pointe shoes, so it seemed quite difficult for him. Secretly though, Fuji snuck the lead Snowflake his yellow racket, and all became hazardous.

"BURNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" cried Kawamura as he furiously danced and yet so gracefully, as the rest of the Snowflakes tried their best to catch up and meet to his steps and his musicality, only to have all seven of them drop dead on stage as Taka-san continued to dance subconsciously en his pointe shoes.

"Don't you think Taka-san should say 'SNOWING!!!', Fujiko? I mean, it's the Snow Scene, nya?" asked Eiji to Fuji backstage as they waited for their cue to come on stage, which wouldn't be in a while.

"…we should let Taka-san be…" happily said Fuji as he watched Oishi and Inui backing far, FAR away from the overly excited and energized dancer performing on stage.

"Ii Data," muttered Inui as he suddenly whipped out his notebook as he was holding onto the Snow Queen's hand, the only thing that Oishi was hanging on to for dear life as he performed a series of pirouettes **(2)** and fouettés **(3)**. Releasing his grip, the Snow King took out a pen and furiously wrote in his trusty organizer, resulting in the Snow Queen spinning off the stage and flying into the crowd, and the Snow King standing still in the middle of the stage, in the midst of the performance, continuously writing in his notebook, not realizing that his partner had suddenly disappeared from the stage.

"AHHHHHHHH!"

"Hm…Oishi?"

The Nutty Crack! – The Nutty Crack!

"W-we t-thank-k you for coming-g, Cl-laryoma and-d d-dear P-princ-ce…" stuttered the crippled Snow Queen who was pretty much bandaged everywhere, and on crutches with her jeweled and sparkling silver tiara dented from the crash in the audience. Oishi bowed his head, and the Snow King beside him was still writing furiously in his notebook, not paying attention yet again to the scene currently going on.

"Yes, we thank you for coming. Now go," briefly said the Snow King as his mind still continued to solely focus on his precious notebook only. Sighing heavily, the Snow Queen angrily took the notebook from his hands and threw it 'who-knows-where?'. Satisfied, she clapped her hands in calling of the Reindeer, and in ten minutes, the Reindeer had arrived at their destination spot where Claryoma and the Prince would get off, which was technically two yards away from the wings.

"Thank you…for the lovely tour," said the Prince as he bowed and kicked Claryoma in the shin again, having her bow as well.

"Yea…we saw lots and LOTS of black snow, Snow King and Queen…"

"…"

"Well, we shall give you a ride now to the Kingdom of Sweets," said Inui as he snapped his finger, and a mechanical balloon from above landed right onto the Snow King, causing a tragic accident that no one really cared to worry about, since they were bored out of their heads and wanted to get out for the intermission as soon as possible.

"Thank you again, Snow Queen," thanked the Prince yet again as the Snow Queen got onto the sleigh by herself, leaving the dear Snow King behind. She pulled out a whip and lashed the Reindeers to move faster and bring her back to her kingdom.

"You know, Prince," added Claryoma as the two got onto the balloon, which soon began to fly away, "I was wondering two things."

"And they may be?"

"One: you say 'thank you' way too many times. And two: why isn't there any snow right now in the Land of Snow, when we're in the Forest basically?"

"Hn."

Meanwhile, as the balloon was continuing its journey upwards, the Reindeer were chatting among themselves as they continued dragging the heavy sleigh, only making progress of two centimeters so far in the past two minutes.

"I…can't…pull…anymore…" complained Momo tiredly, "I…hate…being…a…Reindeer…"

"You have to keep on pulling though, Momo – the show must go on, nya!" cheered up Eiji as he put on a big, toothy smile. Kaidoh remained silent as Fuji chuckled to himself, musing at the scene before him.

"Well, you three may continue pulling the sled. I must make my departure," announced Fuji aloud, loud enough for everyone, including the audience, to hear.

"Fujiko, not so loud!"

"But I wanted them to hear me, Eiji," insisted the sadist, his smile widening more than ever, and certainly more than usual.

"Nya, why, Fujiko?"

"Because…" he started, and he jumped out of his position of the sleigh and landed perfectly by the edge of the sleigh end, removing his Reindeer costume with the blue antlers at the same time, only to reveal a blue, lust cape whipping with the wind. He covered his face partially with his cape and opened his azure eyes, "…I am Zurro!"

"…"

"…Zurro, Fuji-senpai?"

"Ah, sorry, sorry!" apologized Fuji hastily as he took back his Reindeer costume and positioned himself back to his original spot as a Reindeer. "I didn't mean to be Zurro; must have caught on when Yuuta was watching it, hehe."

"…"

"Because…" he started again, repeating what he had done before, leaving the audience amazed and awestruck (but not as much as before, sadly), "…I am Drosyuusuke!" Soon, the magician jumped off the sleigh and flew faster than how fast the balloon was going, having the audience gasp even more than ever as he disappeared, the balloon following behind.

And the curtain had fallen, because it was the end of act one.

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_Owari_  
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**A/N:** Well… I think two more chapters will do the trick. I think, at least. (prays) XDD 

**(1)** - raising of the body on the point or demi-pointe  
**(2)** - complete turn of the body on one foot, on point or demi-pointe  
**(3) **- term applied to a whipping movement

Please review and give me any feedback! I am very happy to be criticized because there is always room for improvement. Arigatou!

Ja ne, and I do not own any part of Prince of Tennis!

_Eternal.Angel_


	5. Act Two, Scene One: THE END

Eternal.Angel  
December 29, 2007 to December 29, 2007

**Disclaimers:** I do not own any part whatsoever of Prince of Tennis.  
**Summary:** A parody of _The Nutcracker_ by Tchaikovsky with the Prince of Tennis cast, Seigaku! Enjoy! _And don't forget to review please!_

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_Act Two, Scene One: THE END_  
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After the audience returned, the curtain had risen up once more, and the people found the stage to be filled with many different dressed actors of all sorts. There were the Spanish, Arabian, Chinese, Russian, and so many more. But the most important of them was the Sugar Plum Fairy, reenacted by Kawamura Takashi (since he was the most passionate of them all, thank you very much). 

So now the balloon was descending from above, and Claryoma stared at all those fake smiles coming from below, from the many different dancers on stage. She sighed heavily and looked at her Prince, who had on a stoic and serious expression with his glasses on. And flying past them was Herr Drosyuusuke, his cape fluttering and flying with the wind as he continued downwards until he hit the ground, landing perfectly on his two feet.

"Welcome to the Kingdom of Sweets…BURNING!!!" greeted the Sugar Plum Fairy as she blazed on fire, nearly burning her pink tutu away. Her followers bowed afterwards, and they ogled at the balloon, waiting for it to descend.

"Um…Tezuka-buchou, what's going on with the balloon?" asked Echizen as he tugged the basket of the contraption to go down, for they were still in midair. He looked at his captain for an answer, who was sighing heavily.

"…we're stuck, Echizen."

"…"

"So don't let down your guard."

The Nutty Crack! – The Nutty Crack!

The curtain had come down; an announcement was made: "Due to technical problems, the play will end right now, so everyone leave and never come back."

Which marks the end of_ The Nutcracker_.

And the fact that Claryoma and the Prince were still stuck in midair on the balloon.

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_Owari_  
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**A/N:** Done. I'm happy. Are you? XD (I just don't want to finish it properly, so yea, let them be stuck on the balloon for ever. XD) Please review and give me any feedback! I am very happy to be criticized because there is always room for improvement. Arigatou! 

Ja ne, and I do not own any part of Prince of Tennis!

_Eternal.Angel_


End file.
